What Do I Have To Do To Live A Hundred?

A man goes to the doctors and asks, “Doc, what do I need to do to live to a hundred?”

The doctor looks at the man and says, “well, first, don’t stay out late. Infact, go to bed early and get loads of sleep. At least eight hours every night. And I mean EVERY night. Don’t have long lay ins at the weekend, don’t ever get up late.'“

The man replies, ‘OK.”

The doctor then says, “You should never touch alcohol. No booze. EVER. Beer, lager, whisky, rum, gin, alcho-pops, champagne, prosecco, wine and even chocolate liquors. Don’t go anywhere near them, EVER!“

The man nods his head.

“As for food,” the doctor remarks, “Fried food? Don’t touch it. Junk food? Don’t touch it. If you are tempted to eat something with sugar in, don’t do it. Chocolate, ice cream, jelly babies, haribos, cakes, kit kats, marsh mellows. Don’t go anywhere near them. Infact, anything with fat in it, anything with sugar in it and also steer clear of anything with salt in it. And don’t put salt on your food either. Did I mention cheese? I don’t think I did but anyway, don’t eat that either.” The doctor then sits back in his chair, strokes his chin.

The doctor carries on,” you need to exercise all the time. Whenever you’ve got the time, you should be working out. Whatever you do don’t smoke. Smoking is bad! Also, don’t get involved with the ladies. Don’t party. Also, avoid people that involve themselves in idle chit chat.”

The man looks back at the doctor and says, “and if I do all that will I live to be a hundred?”

The doctor responds whilst giving a stone cold stare, “no, but it’ll certainly feel like it.”

Me, with my tongue firmly in my cheek….

Me, with my tongue firmly in my cheek….